When we think about our legacy, we often picture big, sweeping gestures: trips around the world, grand accomplishments, things crossed off a bucket list. But when people nearing the end of life reflect on what truly mattered, their regrets rarely have anything to do with the things they didn’t get to do and almost always come back to the people they loved and the words they left unspoken.
Australian palliative care nurse Bronnie Ware famously captured this in her book The Top Five Regrets of the Dying. These are the most common reflections she heard from her patients in their final weeks:
- I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
- I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
- I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
- I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
- I wish that I had let myself be happier.
The fifth one is about being stuck in old patterns and habits, fearing change while clinging to comfort, and pretending that we are content when deep within we want something more.
These aren’t regrets about missed vacations or novels that were never started. They’re about connection, authenticity, and love, the things that form the heart of who we are.
The Legacy of Words Left Unsaid
When my husband was nearing the end of his life after a two-year cancer journey, we had conversations I’ll always be grateful for. We talked about what he wanted after he died. I understood his wish to be cremated and to have his ashes scattered in places we loved. But more than that, we shared our gratitude for the life we’d had, and the love we’d built together. Those conversations were part of his legacy. They gave me peace and purpose after he was gone.
Since then, I’ve spoken with many people who didn’t have those conversations, who were left wondering, second-guessing, carrying both grief and regret. Sometimes it’s not a dramatic confession we hold back. Sometimes it’s as simple as saying, “I’m proud of you.” “I forgive you.” “Thank you for being part of my life.”
These small acts of courage, of speaking truth in love, are the legacy we leave.
More Than a Bucket List
There’s nothing wrong with bucket lists. I have one too. But legacy isn’t about skydiving or seeing the Eiffel Tower. It’s about how we show up in the lives of others. It’s about love in action.
What if, instead of a bucket list, we created a Connection List?
- Who are the people I want to reconnect with?
- What conversations have I been putting off?
- Is there someone I need to forgive, or ask forgiveness from?
- What words have I left unsaid?
Your Legacy Begins Now
You don’t have to wait until the end to reflect on your life. In fact, now is the perfect time.
Three small ways to start:
- Reach out to someone you’ve lost touch with. Send the text. Make the call.
- Say something meaningful. It could be “I love you,” “I miss you,” or “You matter to me.”
- Do one thing that’s true to you. Not what’s expected but instead, what your heart keeps whispering.
None of us know how much time we have, but we do get to decide how we use it.
Let your legacy be more than a list of places. Let it be a trail of love, connection, and courage—one conversation at a time.
