How Finding Meaning Helped Me Heal After Loss
There was a time, not long after my husband John died, when I didn’t recognize myself. I tried to stay busy, filling my days with tasks that looked productive but went nowhere. My world had become quiet, too quiet. I was home alone, sleeping too much, feeling disconnected and adrift.
Even though I’d survived the worst of the storm, I wasn’t healing. I was existing. And that’s when I knew something had to change.
The Power of Connection
I first walked into the Living With Loss support group at Gilda’s Club Kansas City feeling unsure but hopeful. I quickly learned that grief, as isolating as it feels, doesn’t have to be a solo journey.
Most people had stopped reaching out by then. The couples we used to socialize with didn’t call anymore, and I assumed it was something about me, that maybe I wasn’t easy to be around. But when I joined the group, I realized everyone felt that same silence. It wasn’t “me”; it was simply part of the landscape of loss.
The group normalized what I was feeling. We called ourselves “Gilda’s Girls.” We met not only for our sessions but also for outdoor walks. We still have a group text today and reach out whenever something especially good, or especially hard, happens. That community was a lifeline.
Through those connections, I found compassion, humor, and hope again. I learned that healing isn’t about “moving on.” It’s about integrating your grief into who you are and finding new purpose through the pain.
Healing Is Social: What the Science Says
There’s fascinating research that supports what I experienced firsthand. In The Rabbit Effect by Dr. Kelli Harding, scientists discovered that kindness and social connection have a direct impact on our health.
The story goes like this: researchers were studying heart disease in rabbits. Despite identical diets, one group of rabbits stayed healthier. The only difference? The lab assistant caring for them was exceptionally kind, talking to them, petting them, showing affection. Her kindness literally changed their biology.
The lesson: connection heals. Love and purpose, whether in a lab, a support group, or a community, are powerful medicine.
Finding Purpose Again
As I started to heal, I realized I wanted to give back. I’d spent decades in my professional life mentoring teams, developing young people, and helping others reach their potential. I’ve always been a connector—someone who sees who needs what and brings the right people together.
At Gilda’s Club, that skill found a new home. When someone is impacted by cancer, they need a whole ecosystem of support — emotional, practical, and spiritual. Kansas City is rich with nonprofits that serve these needs, and I love connecting people with the right resources at the right time.
My path to joining the Board began during a leadership class. We were asked to describe our dream jobs. In a room full of young professionals naming executive roles and dream salaries, I said my dream job was a volunteer one. So when the opportunity came to join the Gilda’s Club Board, I didn’t hesitate.
Serving on the Board has filled my life with meaning and joy. It allows me to honor John’s memory, support others walking a similar path, and carry forward the mission of healing through community.
The Joy of Giving Back
Gilda’s Club Kansas City supports anyone impacted by cancer—people in treatment, survivors, caregivers, families, and those of us grieving a loss. All programs are free of charge, made possible by donations, community partnerships, and events like our annual auction, Hobnobbin’ at the Hobbs.
This year, I have the privilege of chairing the event. It will be held on my birthday, Friday, October 10, 2025, from 6:30 to 9:30 PM at The Hobbs (1427 W 9th St, Kansas City, MO). It’s an evening filled with laughter, generosity, and connection, all in support of Gilda’s Club’s mission.
When people attend, I hope they feel both uplifted and inspired. I hope they see how their generosity directly supports people navigating cancer, caregiving, and grief. And I hope they’ll remember Gilda’s Club as a resource, for themselves, their friends, or their loved ones, whenever life takes an unexpected turn.
You can join us, donate, or learn more here:
👉 Reserve your spot on Eventbrite
Purpose as a Path to Healing
Healing doesn’t mean forgetting or leaving grief behind. It means weaving the love, loss, and lessons into who we’re becoming. For me, that process has been deeply intertwined with purpose—with finding ways to transform my pain into service.
When we pour ourselves into something larger than our sorrow, we begin to heal, not because the hurt disappears, but because meaning grows around it.
Purpose doesn’t erase the loss. It gives it direction.
Join Me in the Journey
I often think about that rabbit experiment, the way a little kindness changed the outcome. That’s what Gilda’s Club does every day. Through programs, community, and care, they help people heal, not just physically, but emotionally and socially.
If you’re looking for a place where healing and hope meet, or if you simply want to be part of something that makes a real difference, I invite you to join me at Hobnobbin’ at the Hobbs.
Come for the laughter. Stay for the purpose.
And help us keep the kindness, and the healing, going.
