None of us like to imagine a time when we might not be able to make our own healthcare decisions. Yet part of living fully and dying prepared is planning for that very possibility, ensuring that your voice will still be heard, even when you can’t speak for yourself.

Why a Healthcare Proxy Matters

A healthcare proxy (sometimes called a healthcare agent or durable power of attorney for healthcare) is the person you designate to make medical decisions on your behalf if you are unable to do so. This person doesn’t need to be a medical expert. What matters most is that they understand you, meaning your values, your beliefs, and what quality of life means to you.

Each of us defines quality of life differently. For some, it might mean being able to live independently or communicate meaningfully with loved ones. For others, it might mean comfort above all else. What’s essential is that your proxy knows your wishes and has the courage and clarity to honor them, even if they don’t personally agree with every decision.

The Importance of Conversation

Many people complete forms for advance directives but never have the conversation that brings those words to life. The most powerful planning you can do is to talk openly with your chosen proxy.
Share what matters to you:

• What gives your life meaning?
• What fears or concerns do you have about medical treatment or end-of-life care?
• What does a “good day” look like for you and what would make life no longer feel like living fully?

These are not easy questions, but they are acts of love. They spare your loved ones from uncertainty, guilt, and conflict, and they ensure your care reflects your wishes, not someone else’s assumptions.

My Own Experience

When my husband, John, and I completed our advance directives, we chose each other as healthcare proxies. We shared the same outlook and values, which made that choice simple. After John died, I had to revisit those decisions and think deeply about who could fill that role for me.

I am blessed with a supportive family, but I also recognize that not everyone, no matter how loving, could carry out my wishes if they conflicted with their own beliefs. Having those conversations was not easy, but it was necessary. I didn’t want to put anyone in an uncomfortable position or risk having my preferences misunderstood. Choosing a healthcare proxy is both an act of self-advocacy and compassion for those you love.

Resources to Help You Begin

If you haven’t yet chosen a healthcare proxy, these resources can guide you:

• Compassion & Choices: Who Will Speak for You? — A thoughtful guide to understanding the role and how to choose the right person.
• CaringInfo — Offers free, state-specific advance directive forms you can download and complete.

A Conversation Worth Having

This topic often comes up in my Living Fully, Dying Prepared workshops. Participants share that it feels like a lot to think about — and it is. But taking even one small step can bring peace of mind.

If you’d like to talk through your personal situation, you can book a free 20-minute Peace of Mind Planning Session. We can discuss how to start these important conversations and how to choose someone who can truly speak for you.

I also offer workshops for community groups and senior living facilities to help people explore these choices together in a supportive setting.

Because planning ahead isn’t just about paperwork. It’s about love, clarity, and peace of mind for everyone involved.