Understanding the Emotional and Physical Toll of Cancer on Families
When my husband was diagnosed with cancer, we were suddenly living in two realities: one where we searched for treatment and stayed hopeful, and another where we quietly mourned the life we were losing. His illness taught me more than I ever expected about what it means to show up for someone, not just as a caregiver, but as a witness to their humanity.
As a death doula and cancer research advocate today, I walk with others through similar terrain. Cancer isn’t just a medical experience, it’s emotional, physical, and financial. And each part deserves attention and compassion.
1. Grief Doesn’t Wait for Death
Caregivers and patients often grieve in advance. It’s called anticipatory grief, mourning the slow loss of what life used to be. I felt this acutely during my husband’s final months: grieving the future we wouldn’t share, the trips we wouldn’t take, and the young family members he wouldn’t see grow up. And when he died, a second grief began. It was just as powerful, but different. Naming both kinds of grief helps us understand why this journey feels so heavy. It’s not one loss. It’s many.
2. The Body Carries the Scars
In my work as a patient research advocate, I see that some changes are universal: the fatigue, the muscle loss, and the dehydration. Certain treatments can cause more specific issues, such as brain fog (Chemo Brain) with chemotherapy and limits to range of motion with radiation.
By the end of my husband’s journey, his body had changed. Chemotherapy left his thoughts foggy; he struggled to eat; his mobility declined. These physical shifts were part of our daily reality, and they shaped how we connected. I learned to slow down, to listen differently, and to adjust expectations. Cancer asks the body to endure and caregivers to adapt constantly.
3. The Hidden Cost: Financial Toxicity
Even with support, cancer can be financially draining. Fortunately, my employer was Deloitte and they had excellent health insurance. As a cancer research advocate, I work with researchers at the University of Kansas Cancer Center. Dr. Dinesh Pal Mudaranthakam has done studies on the financial toxicity of cancer. I have references to his work at the end of this post. Besides treatment costs, cancer patients and caregivers are faced with loss of income due to time off work, treatment fees and co-pays, and the long-term impact. Many cancer patients carry fears about leaving debt behind. Research shows that financial strain can add real emotional suffering, especially in communities already facing inequity. This is a social justice issue as much as a healthcare one.
Today, I help others navigate this path, not just as a doula, but as someone who’s walked it too. If you’re facing cancer, grief, or end-of-life decisions, please know: you are not alone. There is support for the heart, the body, and even the hard conversations about money and meaning.
If you or someone you love is facing cancer, know that support is available. Please reach out if you’d like to talk.
Links to Dr. Mudaranthakam’s research
Career disruption and limitation of financial earnings due to cancer: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37326961/
Financial burden among cancer patients: A national-level perspective: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35852258/
