Grief doesn’t follow a neat timeline, and it certainly doesn’t come with a rulebook. When someone we care about is hurting, many of us feel unsure about what to say or do. We may worry about saying the wrong thing or stay silent because we don’t know how to help. But often, the most meaningful support isn’t complicated. It’s found in small, steady acts of care.

Here are some thoughtful ways to show up for someone walking through grief.

1. Be There with Open Ears

One of the simplest and most powerful things you can do is to just be there. You don’t need to fix anything because you can’t. What you can do is listen without judgment, hold space for tears or silence, and let your presence be the comfort. Even a short text that says, “Thinking of you today. No need to respond.” can remind them they’re not alone.

2. Grief Groceries: Feeding Body & Soul

In the fog of grief, even deciding what to eat can feel overwhelming. That’s why I love the idea of “grief groceries.” It’s a bag of easy-to-prepare meals, snacks, and household essentials. You can drop these off on their doorstep, or arrange a delivery through Instacart or a local grocery service.

Think of things that require little thought: fresh fruit, yogurt, sandwiches, frozen meals, or soup. It’s a tangible way to say, “I see you, and I want to help lighten your load.”

3. Ongoing Care: Memories, Anniversaries, and Check-Ins

Support is most visible in the days right after a loss but grief stretches far beyond the funeral. Birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays like Mother’s Day or Father’s Day can feel especially heavy.

Mark these dates in your calendar and check in when they arrive. An invitation for a quiet walk, coffee together, or even raising a glass in honor of their loved one can ease the weight of those tender days. Sometimes, just saying “I remember this is a hard day, and I’m thinking of you” makes all the difference.

4. Gentle Invitations: Walks, Toasts, and Quiet Moments

Grief can make social situations feel draining, so big group gatherings aren’t always the answer. Instead, offer small, low-pressure invitations. A walk outside. A cup of tea. A toast in memory of the person who has died. Let them know there’s no expectation. They can say no, and you’ll still be there next time.

5. Tackling the Tough Stuff On Their Time

Some of the hardest parts of grieving are practical tasks, like sorting through closets, donating belongings, or returning medical equipment. These jobs carry a deep emotional weight.

From my own experience, I know how true this is. My late husband, John, was a stylish man. His clothes carried stories of our travels and the life we built together. It took me four years to realize I would never be able to clean out that closet on my own. It was simply too painful. When I finally allowed someone else to help, it was a tremendous relief.

If someone you love is grieving, offer your help but only when they’re ready. The gift of showing up for these difficult tasks is profound.

6. Seeing Invisible Grief

Not every loss is publicly acknowledged. Relationships outside traditional family roles, the death of an ex-spouse, or even the loss of a beloved pet can leave someone grieving without much outside support. This is often called disenfranchised grief.

One of the kindest things you can do is validate that grief. A simple, “I know this mattered deeply to you, and I’m here” can provide recognition where it’s missing.

7. Community & Counseling: Not Alone in Loss

Grief can feel isolating, but there are communities and professionals who can help. Support groups connect people walking a similar path. Grief counselors can provide tools for coping and a safe space to process complicated emotions. If you’re not sure how to help, offering to research local resources can ease their way. I’m happy to point you to excellent resources in Kansas City. 

8. Words That Heal (and Words to Skip)

Sometimes we stumble because we’re afraid of saying the wrong thing. The truth is, most grieving people don’t need perfect words. They simply need honest ones. Try:

• “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here with you.”
• “I can’t imagine how hard this must be.”
• “Would you like company for a walk or coffee?”

Phrases to avoid include: “They’re in a better place,” or “At least…” because grief isn’t something to minimize or reframe. It deserves acknowledgment, not explanation.

9. Grief Doesn’t Follow a Timeline

Perhaps the most important reminder of all: grief isn’t something people “get over.” It changes over time, but it doesn’t disappear. It becomes integrated into who we are moving forward. Checking in weeks, months, or even years after a loss can mean the world.

Closing Thoughts

When someone we care about is grieving, we can’t take away the pain but we can walk beside them in it. Whether through grief groceries, a thoughtful text, a quiet toast, or helping with difficult tasks, these everyday acts of love speak volumes.

Grief reminds us that connection is what carries us through. If you’re supporting someone grieving, keep showing up in small, steady ways. If you’re grieving yourself, know that it’s okay to lean on others and accept help. You don’t have to walk this road alone.